In January 2008 'The Moment of Truth' premiered on prime time television, on one of the major networks. The premise was simple: consistently tell the truth by answering increasingly personal questions in front of your family, loved ones and an in-studio audience.
I remember a particular episode where a contestant, a woman, was doing great, climbing the boards, tallying up the cash prize. She already shared some eye-opening truths as her family, friends and husband watched along. The host asked the question, essentially: 'Are you a good person?'
As a teenager at the time, I remember shouting at the television: "Say no!" I couldn't articulate why I hoped that she said no, that she didn't consider herself a good person. It would be years until I realized why I hoped she answered no. Unbeknownst to me, that episode became quite controversial.
In other episodes of that show, I saw families seemingly torn apart by deep hidden, embarrassing truths revealed on national television. It was often tough to watch. I just wanted her to win. I wanted her to take the money and run. She said yes, she considered herself a 'good' person. The lie detector determined she was lying. She walked away with nothing.
Damn.
I remember holding my face with my hands. I felt bad for her. This show can tear families apart, I thought.
That particular episode would return to mind over the years. I wrestled with the idea of how we can subtly and subconsciously lie to ourselves. We do it more than we think. It doesn't make us bad people. We can keep sweeping things under the rug and marvel at how clean the place is.
She believed she was being honest with herself. 'Yes, I am a good person.' Most of us likely would have answered the same way. It doesn't make us liars. It makes us human. Beautiful fantastically flawed human beings.
I wished she answered no because deep within we know that we are eternal works-in-progress. Perhaps, just striving to be a good person is the reward itself. Maybe we don’t get to congratulate ourselves and bellow to anyone within earshot “I’M A GOOD PERSON!” That would be absurd.
It's that Frank Ocean lyric from 'We All Try': "Cause I just don't believe we're wicked I know that we sin but I do believe we try."
It makes complete sense why self-actualization is at the peak of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. It makes sense why most people feel a sense of fulfillment and agency when we're striving for something. When we're stretching and challenging ourselves. That area of discomfort is growth. Sore muscles equate to strength development.
It was in this spirit my teenage self was hoping the contestant would say 'no', take the money and split.
How would I answer the question?
Do I think I'm a 'good' person? No, not exactly. I'm working on it, just like everyone else. Everyone that you consider a stranger lives a full life that you know little to nothing about. But perhaps that's the fun part of this life thing: embracing everything, the peaks and valleys. The good and the bad. The striving for something meaningful. Creating a life you love. Everything about it, true, authentic and good, even if only to you.
